We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Randomize
