I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
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