it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Randomize
