Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
