He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
Randomize
