I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Randomize