Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Randomize
