Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
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