She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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