Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
