Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
Randomize
