the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Randomize
