Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
