I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
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