i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Randomize