God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
i may or may not be watching the land before time
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
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