genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
Randomize
