Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
