he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
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