The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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