exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
me + whiskey = a bad person
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
