Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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