Jerry, you need to find god
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
Randomize
