on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Randomize
