I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
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