Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
