I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
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