i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
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