I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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