And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
Randomize
