Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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