So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
