The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
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