if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
