Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
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