I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
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