God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
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