does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
