4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
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