JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
Randomize
