so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
