If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
