So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
Randomize
