someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Randomize