now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
So. Much. Porn.
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