He asked to "fluff my boner.."
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
