Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
