You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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