i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Randomize
