Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
so much tequila, so little girl.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Randomize
