Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
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