I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
false alarm. still invincible.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
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