Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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