no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
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