sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Randomize
