If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
