There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
