she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
zippers are such a cool invention
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
my liver is dry heaving
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Randomize
