please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
I am puke
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Randomize
