i'm signing you up for texting rehab
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
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