I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Randomize
