Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
This is the prime rib incident all over again
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
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