On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize