I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
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