My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
40s are totally the cure
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Randomize
