Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
pop tarts are not kleenex
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize
