ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
