woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
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