I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
