he wants to bone in the snuggie
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
