apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
