You can't special order awesome
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Randomize
