it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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