just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
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