Grow some girl-balls and come out already
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Randomize
