Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
