Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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