i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Randomize
