just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Randomize
